METRO, Jo Irwin
Happy National Wine Week one and all!
To be honest, it’s probably up there with one of my favourite weeks. Right behind my ‘birthday week’, because that normally involves several bottles of wine. And ‘Christmas week’ , because again that involves all of the wine.
As if wine in itself wasn’t a great invention, I’ll tell you what’s an even better one. Drinking wine with your best friend.
Because you know there are always certain things that will happen when you drink wine with your best mate…
- You’ll both agree to stay for just the one. But one turns into one round each. And one each turns into one bottle. And one bottle turns into one bottle each. And before you know it you’re in an Uber, wasted, on a Wednesday.
- You’ll adopt the accent of wherever the bottle of wine you are drinking came from. ‘Oh is this an Australian Sauvigon?’ …’G’day Bruce’.
- You’ll forget to eat. Because you like wine. And in your minds, wine is a food group. And you support each other on that.
- You never order anything but a large glass. You are best friends for a reason. Neither of you like doing things by halves.
Just the one.
- You’ll get to the bottom of the first bottle and one of you’ll will start telling a great story about that idiot they were seeing for a while, a couple of months back. Which means the listener will be forced to buy another bottle. (it’s worth noting that she’s heard the story before but she needs an excuse for more wine).
- You’ll pretend to really swill and savour the taste. But if you’re being honest, after the first little sip, you remember that neither of you really care what it tastes like.
- You’ll promise each other that you are going to join a Wine Club. Because you LOVE wine. And each other. So what better way to spend a Thursday than sampling wines that are delivered to your door with your number one bae?
- You’ll also promise to go wine tasting so you can really expand you pallet. Until you realise it’s the week before both of your paydays so you need to settle for the house white and you’d rather not be aware of how awful it tastes in comparison.
- You will, more than once during the evening, try and pour a glass from the bottle with the lid still on. You both find this absolutely hilarious. Every time you do it.
- Every time you finish a bottle, you both triumphantly slam the bottle upside down into the wine cooler. As if to pronounce that you both drink too much, don’t care, and require the waiter to bring you more.
- All of your stories start with ‘well, I’d had a couple of glasses of wine and…’ *insert really embarrassing story*
- You never need to ask if the other one wants another. Because the answer is obviously ‘of course’.
- You’ll convince each other that you are Beyoncé. And as such should dance like her. In the middle of an All Bar One. #wineconfidence.
- You’ll eat chips. Plates and plates of chips. To soak up the wine. And make room for more wine.
- You’ll wake up remembering very little of the night before. Because let’s face it, as lovely as it is, wine is basically memory bleach.